How To Unlock Someone’s Love Language
Learning your loved ones’ love language is the key to feeling appreciated in a relationship. We often think our partner is unappreciative of the things we do for them, but in reality… We may be expressing our love in a way that they simply don’t understand. If my love language is gifts and you feel like I “never appreciate anything you do for me”, it’s because you’re speaking a language that is not resonating with me. I see love in tangible forms. In return, you may feel like I’m just giving you random shit when the knick knacks I’m gifting you are really tiny pieces of my heart. The problem is we often express our love language rather speaking our partner’s language. The truth is there’s no big hidden secret to unlocking someone’s love language. The best way to find out what someone’s love language is to simply ask them, “What was the best gift you ever got?” That will tell you exactly what their love language is. Sometimes… it’s important to not take their answer at face value since this can lead to interpreting the wrong love language. To get the right love language, you must interpret the why behind their love for the gift. But seriously… if you just pay attention to your partner just a little bit. It’s not hard to learn what their love language is. Here’s what to look out for:
Acts of Service
This is the love language I’m the worst at, but somehow I am always end up dating people with this love language. So as you can probably guess, there’s been a lot of arguments in my relationships about both of us feeling like the other is unappreciative. If your partner is willing to drop what they’re doing when you need them, their love language is most likely acts of service. They do things for you without being asked. If you need a ride, they got you. You need them to run to the store? No problem. So what can you do for your partner whose love language is acts of service? Don’t ask them before doing something if its evident they need help with it. Like if their dishes are dirty, wash it for them. If you know it’s going to snow the next day, go to their house the night before and put salt on their driveway. Drop off lunch for them at work! The most important part is you do all of these things without complaining otherwise it defeats the purpose.
2. Gifts
These people are not materialistic. I repeat, they are not materialistic. Getting them an expensive gift after you messed up won’t work. No, seriously. One time my ex got me Tiffany’s earrings after we broke up when the whole relationship he barely got me flowers. I wanted to take them and shove it up his. Anywho— you’ll know your partner’s love language is gifts when you find them giving you random knick knacks. They’re not trying to overwhelm you with useless items. These are items that reminded them of you and they went out of their way to get or make it for you. No matter how significant these items may mean to you, they would be very hurt if you lost it or threw it away. Even if it’s just a feather they picked up on the oceanfront for you. Impressing someone whose love language is gifts does not have to be expensive. It just has to be meaningful. I’ve made paintings for someone I crushed on. Show them you know them through your gifts.
3. Quality Time
For the love of God, stop calling these people clingy. They are not clingy. They just recognize love by spending one-on-one time. It’s possible these folks can suffer from abandonment issues. Simply having them around isn’t what is considered quality time. These people want to connect and grow with you. Having them around at a family gathering is not quality time. Taking them to a party is not quality time. Bringing them along for a work trip is not quality time. Don’t get me wrong. Those are all great things you’re doing. You’re showing them off to your loved ones and including them in your life so don’t stop. But these people need time with you and you alone. Even if you two are not conversing while hanging out. These are your “wanna go on an aimless car ride” kind of people. Most people have different definitions of quality time so it’s important to find out what that means specifically for your partner.
4. Words of Affirmation
You want to test if someone’s love language is words of affirmation? Buy them a very basic gift. Nothing too expensive or elaborate. Like a journal or a basic cup. Then attach a card talking about the traits you admire about them. If they address the card before addressing the gift, their love language is likely words of affirmation. These folks will reassure you that you look good and that they love you so they need the same in return. Holding back voicing your affection for them will make them feel like you don’t care even if your actions say otherwise. It’s also important to reassure these folks they did a good job or you appreciated something they did even if it’s something they’re supposed to do like taking out the trash or picking up groceries. You may often feel like they are fishing for compliments, but in reality they just want to be reassured that you care and noticed their effort. And yes, they need to actually hear it.
5. Physical Touch
The most misunderstood along love language along with gift giving. Don’t think you can just seduce your way out of trouble with them. The same way they may be all over you when they are into you. They won’t want you to even glance at them if they want nothing to do with you. But a good way to know if your partner’s love language is physical touch is how much they are touching you. They will find any excuse to get their hands on you. They will hold your hand during car rides or give your behind a squeeze when they walk by. Don’t be shy to hug these folks from behind and plant a big smooch on their cheek. But remember: Just because they like physical touch does not mean they are into PDA.
Next post, I will be giving you broke boys ideas on Valentines Day gifts that won’t break the bank. Tell your man he’s got no excuse this year.
